It Wasn't Me

Life After Redemption


June 2008

What is the word of the day for you?

The word for me that keeps popping in my head is: indomitable. So, just to clarify I kinda knew what it meant, but I still had to look it up… and I so want to claim this word forever!! Check it out: Indomitable means incapable of being overcome, subdued, or vanquished; unconquerable.

From the very tips of my toes I want this to be me, everyday, breathing this victorious word until it becomes my natural response to life. Unstoppable me, unconquerable me… oh, yeah I like that word!! Rather than my current natural response of striving, managing and worrying, I am indomitable!

This seems scary, and uncomfortable.. to just be completely victorious over life and all it’s pains and wounds… or NOT. Dude! THIS word is strength and power, worry does not rule over this truth. It is freedom, in God, to go forth and triumph mightly! Like some sort of crazy Xena Warrior Princess, who even in defeat emerges victorious, so that’s TV, but this is real.

Can you claim this word for you, do you desire victory over the things in life that drag your soul down? If this isn’t your word, find one that inspires you to triumph over adversity to become more than you ever thought you could be. Unleash God’s power to free you up of the roots of suffering that you yourself cannot escape. For me, I like indomitable. I think it goes well into my vocabulary. I will not be subdued, I will not be vanquished, I will not be conquered! Victory through submission to God. When you willingly hand the reins over to God, that yielding moment somehow strengthens you beyond all earthly measure. Let God be your pilot, navigator, sovereign and He will lead you into the fields of His glorious mercy.

Exodus 15:11
Who among the gods is like you, O Lord? Who is like you– majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?

Rescheduled lately?

When I have an appointment scheduled, it’s kind of inconvenient when they call to change the date and time. I have a toddler, my husband’s work schedule, and certain times to take into consideration. I have picked the time that works for ME, whadda mean come in at 8:30?! One o’clock in the afternoon works better for me! It’s either 8:30 or sometime two weeks from now? FINE. 8:30 am is just F-i-n-e with me, no thank you very much!

This was an excerpt from a phone rescheduling call that I got from my eye doctor’s receptionist. Very aggravating, seriously. Please don’t mess with MY plans, cause it is so all about me… right? Whatever.

So, my eyes are fine, thanks for asking, but the rescheduled appointment was amazing for reasons not optical. The chick that orders my contacts for me was back today after being sick for the last three days, she wouldn’t have been there the day before during my original appointment. This was like my third time meeting with her, she’s nice, I like her, we could so hang out, but this meeting was divine. She shared things about her life, relationships, kids, etc. that would have normally been out of place for where we were at, but somehow, it was just perfect.

She ended her first abusive marriage, saving herself and her children, and has learned not to settle for anything less than the best for herself and her kids. By example, she has shown her daughter not to be a victim and her son that it is not okay be abusive. I shared some of my own experience with escalating abusive relationships and told her she has done right by her kids. We both were kinda like wow, by the end of our conversation. I made her laugh and she needed it (her words).

I left feeling blessed, thinking man, I would have missed out if life had gone according to my plans! God is amazing, you never know what blessings you will experience when your schedule get rearranged! I so can’t wait for my next inconvenience!

Psalms 138:3
When I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need.

Get inspired!

What or who inspires you? Obviously, it may depend on what you are doing. For example, I totally am inspired to be a better scrapbooker by Ali Edwards and Stacey Julian, but for my day to day stuff, my best friend Kimmy is it for me. Even my kids inspire me, especially to be a better and more worthy momma to their awesomeness!

But really it is God who inspires me to be more than I ever thought I could become. My whole life has been about surviving my baggage; dragging it around with me from relationship to relationship always wondering why dysfunction and drama always found it’s way to center stage in my life.

God inspires my to be more than my natural self, my knee jerk reaction to life. Through God I have learned how to reclaim joy, which has caused my baggage to transform from a massive steamer trunk to a carry-on… way more manageable. Honestly, I still think that my past aches and pains could fill a trunk, but God has just whittled it all down into what really matters, what I need to focus on and share versus feeding the dysfunction.

Beyond all else, He inspires my to share His delight and joy with everyone I know and LOVE, even with those I have yet to truly know.. be warned, this means that anyone could be a target of love and joy, you won’t even know what hit you and then WHAM! Hey, dude… I love you!

Psalms 36:5-12
5 Your unfailing love, O LORD, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. 6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O LORD. 7 How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. 8 You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. 9 For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see. 10 Pour out your unfailing love on those who love you; give justice to those with honest hearts. 11 Don’t let the proud trample me; don’t let the wicked push me around. 12 Look! They have fallen! They have been thrown down, never to rise again.

Where are your toes?

First, I didn’t sleep well last night either, partly allergies and partly stress, I guess. But when I was having problems falling asleep, I would just pray about misc. things until I fell back asleep. So, during one of these random unrelated prayer sessions, I got the following picture that relates to my toes to the line picture from a couple of months ago.

(Recap: I am standing on a nice sunny beach with my toes planted on a line drawn in the sand; all I have to do is stand in this spot and God has the rest covered. No armor, just standing.)
Last night, the beach is not really all that tropical anymore, more like the Oregon beaches, rugged and beautiful but cold and rough too. I was looking around trying to figure out where I am and what I am supposed to be doing… and then I see my line in the sand. But its cold out, cloudy and windy, and it’s harder to put my feet on the line. At this point I literally had to pray “God help me put my toes back on the line” One foot at a time, I get there. Then the beach is calmer, but still Oregon-y. Still no armor, but I am thinking it may be time to think about suiting up.

I think this is a time of testing, what will you do when the landscape shifts? So, your line isn’t in Margaritaville but on Beverly Beach… it’s still YOUR line, all you have to do is get there by whatever means necessary. The enemy doesn’t like that it’s that simple. Dude, stand where God wants you to be? I don’t think so… how about a little windstorm to slow you down, or fatigue or sickness? Stand firm in faith, it is all covered by God’s amazing merciful Grace.

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

Be Glorified

1Peter 1:8
and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,

What does it mean to you… to be glorified? How do we adequately give glory or praises to something we cannot SEE with these eyes? Today we can worship anything, there is so much for our eyes to feast upon, and yet somehow it does not satisfy. With instant gratification so readily available, why are we not content? We stumble, drunk from thing to thing and nothing quenches that thirst or fills that void.

We live in a time of massive information overload, we can research our own medical issues, look up information about anyone, our identities are being stolen. Seriously. I am not even talking about someone stealing your credit information and racking up debt in your name. Well, not how you are thinking anyway. Someone is stealing your creditability, your soul is being consumed by our consumerism. You are not a disposable commodity, your are a treasure waiting to be reclaimed.

That void that drives you from fix to fix, is your soul crying out to the Father. Nothing will fit that emptiness and take it away. There is no drug, no shopping spree, no alcohol, no relationship that will fill you up and ease that dull but constant pain. I have tried believe me, I have compromised my own integrity in relationships, anything for love, please please someone love me… to no avail. Empty love thrown out returns empty to you, there is no reward in the end.

It wasn’t until Jesus found me, that I realized what that emptiness was and that He took it away, forever. I was 25, and I finally got it… my debt was paid, my soul redeemed. Glory to glory, I exalt You, O my Lord, my heart wounds are healed!

Are there moments where life still hurts… yup. But I don’t struggle alone, and even though I have days that are sometimes totally crazy, that void is still full and I know I am able to get up the next day better than the one before. It is never too late, anyone and everyone can be/has been redeemed. Choose today, share His glory with someone, let them no they are loved, truly loved and watch what happens!

God, I praise YOU! I worship YOU! I exalt Your Holy Name!

Toes to the line, and then some

Earlier this year, God gave me the picture of me standing on a beach with my toes firmly planted on a line drawn in the sand. I was not armed, just standing… with God’s host of angels at my back. I didn’t need a plan ‘b’, this was where I was supposed to be, toes to the line. All I had to do was be in charge of standing on this one little spot and the rest was covered.

I totally get this, stand firm, God’s got IT covered. He is calling me out from the shallow end to stand in my destiny of where He is leading me. Like women’s ministry, intercession, and somewhat even more specatuclar is this redeemed/revived friendship for a broken friendship. I so get it God! I was standing where you called me to be and so was she; I knew that I was supposed tobe on that spot, who was I to question why SHE was there too. Maybe she was supposed to be …duh. CLEARLY, DUH! By us floating on the line together, the natural reaction might of been to run away and hide. I am not ready, don’t make me be friends, please don’t make her talk to me, can’t we just pretend, please don’t look at me… but we didn’t run. AND now? I love her. God is so crafty, I wish I could see more than the end of my nose!

With toes to the line I stand, but now I am picking up my armor. Now is not the time to let the enemy near. I am not afraid and I do stand in faith, but I am not stupid, every gain for God’s territory is a red flag for the enemy; he does not want God’s inevitable vicotry and will create distractions and obstacles. If you can do nothing more than stand on your little line, fine, God’s got it covered. But, seriously dude, at least think about the whole armor thing. It is a one size fits all kind of outfit… and I don’t think it makes your backside look big, so pick it up!

I refuse to ask what HE is up too right now, God is so busy pulling me through this world, I think I just need to enjoy the ride. If I ask for bigger battles, I know He will deliver, and as much as I enjoy a good fight, I like the direction things are going. No, it’s not a comfort thing, believe me. It’s a growing thing. God is molding me into a new creation, and in this new infancy, poking the enemy in the nose seems a little bit rash. Okay, maybe the whole check your baggage posting poked him in the nose, but I am ready to back that one up. Full on combat, maybe not so much!

Waiting Expectantly… it wasn’t me… it was HIM.

Watching Eagerly

Micah 7:7
As for me, I look to the LORD for his help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.

I like this, waiting confidently but the NAS version says ‘watch expectantly’ and that is even better! Watch closely and you WILL see God’s glory moving around and through you. He wants us to be breathless in anticipation waiting to hear HIM and He will meet us. The God of my salvation Jehovah-Shammah is here, now! It is not about me trying to find Him with a microscope, it is knowing that He is with me, around me always. He’s like hair, it’s there on my head, I don’t have constantly check to that it’s growing, I don’t panic and think where’s my hair? I can’t lose it… well not all at once, but I do confess that I am a shedder but I’m okay with that now. I know, I know some people don’t have hair, but we all know that hair exists and we can see it all around us, we believe in hair, no question right? This line of logic is ridiculous I know, God is like hair??? I am so cracking up right now, but it kinda makes sense, right?! Whatever.

So, believing in God should be that straight forward; He’s real and actively moving with us. Embrace Him, and watch/wait confidently and expectantly, there are miracles all around us!

Baggage Check?

I have recently observed that it is time to check out my baggage. In the past, I have been all good with the enemy hanging out in my baggage, making a mess, and stressing me out because dude, I gave him the passport to plague me. My problem with his annoying interference started last year when the enemy started getting out of the baggage area. Sneaky bugger he is, he wandered into territory that he wasn’t allowed to go. Like seriously, I make a decision to go to church on a particular Sunday and then my whole morning turns into a series of catastrophes, resulting in a maimed finger, several wardrobe changes and a disgruntled toddler. And once I get there I realize that I almost didn’t even make it!

Here’s the deal, I have revoked the passport, no more mucking about in my baggage thank you very much. You have pushed too hard and know me too little. When I make I decision, it’s a done deal, and if you don’t know that by now then you have seriously miscalculated your strategy. You little demon, are evicted, cast out you have overstayed your welcome. Oh and when you think about trying to skulk back in the back door, good luck with that… meet the locked door and my new security system. Oh yeah baby, have you heard of the whole armor of the Lord? That’s right, its on right now, so now what?!

While you little enemy are running around looking for someone else’s baggage to leech onto, I don’t wish you luck. I bind you in the name of the Holy Spirit, the Blood of the Lamb, you are NOT given permission to slither around. Get in your little box and stay there! Bye-bye now, bye-bye!

The Armor of God Rocks YO!


Synergy is a scientific term that means that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Honestly, dude, chill… I totally googled the phrase, I am not a scientific mind by any means. So here’s what God is shaking up tonight, WE are more than the sum of our parts. Together we can accomplish more, create a more powerful impact than as individuals. Scientific I am not, but I am about to get all biblical on y’all! Thank You!

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Together in this verse refers to the Greek Synergeo meaning to work together, help in work, be partner in labour to put forth power together with and thereby to assist… hello? Synergy anyone?

If the working together of two things produces an effect greater than the sum of their individual effects, wouldn’t it stand to reason that if two hundred stand together the effects of that synergy would be off the charts? Or 2 million? What then? God will multiply faith in abundance, step out from the shadows and agree with me; we are more than our flesh, minds and weaknesses. We are called, chosen and redeemed, through us our faith will pour out to the nations, communities and churches. Through faith God will meet us and release His signs and wonders to all that seek Him. Move forward, anticipate healing and revel in His almighty majesty.

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