It Wasn't Me

1Peter 1:8
and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,

What does it mean to you… to be glorified? How do we adequately give glory or praises to something we cannot SEE with these eyes? Today we can worship anything, there is so much for our eyes to feast upon, and yet somehow it does not satisfy. With instant gratification so readily available, why are we not content? We stumble, drunk from thing to thing and nothing quenches that thirst or fills that void.

We live in a time of massive information overload, we can research our own medical issues, look up information about anyone, our identities are being stolen. Seriously. I am not even talking about someone stealing your credit information and racking up debt in your name. Well, not how you are thinking anyway. Someone is stealing your creditability, your soul is being consumed by our consumerism. You are not a disposable commodity, your are a treasure waiting to be reclaimed.

That void that drives you from fix to fix, is your soul crying out to the Father. Nothing will fit that emptiness and take it away. There is no drug, no shopping spree, no alcohol, no relationship that will fill you up and ease that dull but constant pain. I have tried believe me, I have compromised my own integrity in relationships, anything for love, please please someone love me… to no avail. Empty love thrown out returns empty to you, there is no reward in the end.

It wasn’t until Jesus found me, that I realized what that emptiness was and that He took it away, forever. I was 25, and I finally got it… my debt was paid, my soul redeemed. Glory to glory, I exalt You, O my Lord, my heart wounds are healed!

Are there moments where life still hurts… yup. But I don’t struggle alone, and even though I have days that are sometimes totally crazy, that void is still full and I know I am able to get up the next day better than the one before. It is never too late, anyone and everyone can be/has been redeemed. Choose today, share His glory with someone, let them no they are loved, truly loved and watch what happens!

God, I praise YOU! I worship YOU! I exalt Your Holy Name!

Earlier this year, God gave me the picture of me standing on a beach with my toes firmly planted on a line drawn in the sand. I was not armed, just standing… with God’s host of angels at my back. I didn’t need a plan ‘b’, this was where I was supposed to be, toes to the line. All I had to do was be in charge of standing on this one little spot and the rest was covered.

I totally get this, stand firm, God’s got IT covered. He is calling me out from the shallow end to stand in my destiny of where He is leading me. Like women’s ministry, intercession, and somewhat even more specatuclar is this redeemed/revived friendship for a broken friendship. I so get it God! I was standing where you called me to be and so was she; I knew that I was supposed tobe on that spot, who was I to question why SHE was there too. Maybe she was supposed to be …duh. CLEARLY, DUH! By us floating on the line together, the natural reaction might of been to run away and hide. I am not ready, don’t make me be friends, please don’t make her talk to me, can’t we just pretend, please don’t look at me… but we didn’t run. AND now? I love her. God is so crafty, I wish I could see more than the end of my nose!

With toes to the line I stand, but now I am picking up my armor. Now is not the time to let the enemy near. I am not afraid and I do stand in faith, but I am not stupid, every gain for God’s territory is a red flag for the enemy; he does not want God’s inevitable vicotry and will create distractions and obstacles. If you can do nothing more than stand on your little line, fine, God’s got it covered. But, seriously dude, at least think about the whole armor thing. It is a one size fits all kind of outfit… and I don’t think it makes your backside look big, so pick it up!

I refuse to ask what HE is up too right now, God is so busy pulling me through this world, I think I just need to enjoy the ride. If I ask for bigger battles, I know He will deliver, and as much as I enjoy a good fight, I like the direction things are going. No, it’s not a comfort thing, believe me. It’s a growing thing. God is molding me into a new creation, and in this new infancy, poking the enemy in the nose seems a little bit rash. Okay, maybe the whole check your baggage posting poked him in the nose, but I am ready to back that one up. Full on combat, maybe not so much!

Waiting Expectantly… it wasn’t me… it was HIM.

Micah 7:7
As for me, I look to the LORD for his help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.

I like this, waiting confidently but the NAS version says ‘watch expectantly’ and that is even better! Watch closely and you WILL see God’s glory moving around and through you. He wants us to be breathless in anticipation waiting to hear HIM and He will meet us. The God of my salvation Jehovah-Shammah is here, now! It is not about me trying to find Him with a microscope, it is knowing that He is with me, around me always. He’s like hair, it’s there on my head, I don’t have constantly check to that it’s growing, I don’t panic and think where’s my hair? I can’t lose it… well not all at once, but I do confess that I am a shedder but I’m okay with that now. I know, I know some people don’t have hair, but we all know that hair exists and we can see it all around us, we believe in hair, no question right? This line of logic is ridiculous I know, God is like hair??? I am so cracking up right now, but it kinda makes sense, right?! Whatever.

So, believing in God should be that straight forward; He’s real and actively moving with us. Embrace Him, and watch/wait confidently and expectantly, there are miracles all around us!

I have recently observed that it is time to check out my baggage. In the past, I have been all good with the enemy hanging out in my baggage, making a mess, and stressing me out because dude, I gave him the passport to plague me. My problem with his annoying interference started last year when the enemy started getting out of the baggage area. Sneaky bugger he is, he wandered into territory that he wasn’t allowed to go. Like seriously, I make a decision to go to church on a particular Sunday and then my whole morning turns into a series of catastrophes, resulting in a maimed finger, several wardrobe changes and a disgruntled toddler. And once I get there I realize that I almost didn’t even make it!

Here’s the deal, I have revoked the passport, no more mucking about in my baggage thank you very much. You have pushed too hard and know me too little. When I make I decision, it’s a done deal, and if you don’t know that by now then you have seriously miscalculated your strategy. You little demon, are evicted, cast out you have overstayed your welcome. Oh and when you think about trying to skulk back in the back door, good luck with that… meet the locked door and my new security system. Oh yeah baby, have you heard of the whole armor of the Lord? That’s right, its on right now, so now what?!

While you little enemy are running around looking for someone else’s baggage to leech onto, I don’t wish you luck. I bind you in the name of the Holy Spirit, the Blood of the Lamb, you are NOT given permission to slither around. Get in your little box and stay there! Bye-bye now, bye-bye!

The Armor of God Rocks YO!

Synergy is a scientific term that means that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Honestly, dude, chill… I totally googled the phrase, I am not a scientific mind by any means. So here’s what God is shaking up tonight, WE are more than the sum of our parts. Together we can accomplish more, create a more powerful impact than as individuals. Scientific I am not, but I am about to get all biblical on y’all! Thank You Crosswalk.com!

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Together in this verse refers to the Greek Synergeo meaning to work together, help in work, be partner in labour to put forth power together with and thereby to assist… hello? Synergy anyone?

If the working together of two things produces an effect greater than the sum of their individual effects, wouldn’t it stand to reason that if two hundred stand together the effects of that synergy would be off the charts? Or 2 million? What then? God will multiply faith in abundance, step out from the shadows and agree with me; we are more than our flesh, minds and weaknesses. We are called, chosen and redeemed, through us our faith will pour out to the nations, communities and churches. Through faith God will meet us and release His signs and wonders to all that seek Him. Move forward, anticipate healing and revel in His almighty majesty.

So, here’s the follow up. I stewed/processed the whole loving this chick for the last couple of days and I have found that it wasn’t a fleeting thing. I still have the warm fuzzy glowing God love following me around. In the interest of being authentic, honest and not putting off the uncomfortable. I decided to test it out and rip the whole band-aid off to see if the vulnerability would kill my rep, ‘cuz I gotta keep it real, but only if it looks good? Whatever.

I ripped it off, I called her… and after checking to make sure that she remembered that I am unlikely to say something just make someone’s ego bloat and am sometimes painfully frank, and then the band-aid was off! I told her, dude I have to tell you I love you, (just for record this a platonic, God sista love… don’t get the wrong idea here) and it’s definately a God thing and it’s freaking me out a LOT, but that’s it. After her first ooooookay, she got it. I don’t know what that means for our relationship in the future or exactly what the BIG MAN is up to. I do know HE is rearranging my furnature big time, beyond a spring cleaning, and I am excited to see what I look like in the new God place.

Lesson of the week: Keep it real, honest and vulnerable, it really won’t kill you. It will liberate you! Blessings… it wasn’t me.

It’s one of those days. WHAT exactly is God doing in my life? Oh, HE thinks he is such a comedian… ha ha. Ironic moments of surrender that’s how I could explain this weird love burst that I am having for someone that I have had a fractured relationship with.
Old news, but the most recent movement is that I called this chick, and truly where we were once friends we ARE NOT anymore, or at least we haven’t been for a long time. God, only He could get away with this I swear, compelled me to call her yesterday… we were on the phone for 45 minutes, ending the conversation on fabulous terms both agreeing to let God mend our still occasionally still stinging friendship.

So what happened today makes sense, in the whole God of the Universe kind of way. Today, I LOVE her, not in a casual kind of neighborly way, but a deep passionate sisterly, can’t wait to see her kind of love. I am sitting here marveling at the way that God must love her and delight in her and that HE is just pouring this out of His heart. That He would tag me with this in the face of our baby-step conversation yesterday, can only mean that I don’t know how to anticipate where He will move me next, but that I need to move where He is leading.

This love that He feels is for all of us and it is so humbling. With all of my shortcomings and self-inflicted obstacles, HE LOVES ME just as I am. It is beyond bearing, this love is so much more than I could express and it is positively overflowing. It must be the Holy Spirit because even when we were ‘friends’ I never felt this flow of love, just like. I am a little bit, well actually a lot, freaking out. He thinks HE is so funny, and He probably is, I am just freaking out right now!!

This is such a confirmation… it wasn’t me!

Some of the most amazing miracles that have occurred in my life when I have actively chosen to ignore my first instinct and love my enemy. The most specific example I have, was a fellow student named Jennifer. She used to just drive me insane!! She was loud and abrasive and unpleasant…and I just didn’t like her. I didn’t want to be in the same room as her much less sit next to her. I didn’t have a concrete reason, but there it was. One day, for no apparent reason, I decided that I would sit next to her everyday until I liked her. I know, right…totally insane and what difference would it make? We come across people all the time that we don’t like or that don’t like us for one reason or another.

So, why was it so important that I like this girl, who I am pretty sure didn’t like me either? I wish I had a profound answer, like a divine voice or something inspirationally motivating to credit this too. It was clearly a God driven encounter/decision, but it was also my stubborn tenacity…I don’t like gray areas. Why didn’t I like her? She was in all my classes, the stress of our friction was annoying me to no end. The reality is we can’t change other people, or their perceptions of us. Or can we? When we begin to change ourselves and our own normal reactions to things, people can change. But the change must start with us.

So, back to the miracle of Jennifer…I sat next to her everyday, in all of our mutual classes everyday, week after week. I talked to her, asked her questions, first about school then about life. Her initial reaction, as mine would have been, was suspicion and wariness, but gradually there was a shifting in our relationship from adversary to acquaintance, then to almost friends. It was truly miraculous, and it would have been enough if that was the only fruit that came of this choice. But there was more.

On impulse, I invited Jennifer to come to a women’s retreat with me. She was excited to go…I was shocked, she wasn’t a Christian but she was totally jazzed to come with me. And at that very retreat, I saw her heart and brokenness and I saw her give her life to Jesus! Because of my conscious choice to follow Jesus, I got to witness the miracle of salvation for my enemy, my friend, my sister, and for myself. When we bless others, we ourselves enjoy the harvest of joy of the Father.

Where we choose to subscribe to division and mutual disrespect the enemy rejoices because we are inviting him to participate and propagate in brokenness and contribute to diseased relationships. When we CHOOSE to feed our dislike of our enemies, God cannot intervene. We have shoved Him in a box, held back by our free will. We have freely chosen to fracture relationships, to hold on to hurts, to not release God’s love, not only to ourselves, but to those around us.

Choose today to lose, to release love, to release God’s merciful love in your life. Hate is a malignant cancerous thing that spreads so easily from the first to the last. We so submit to negativity and resentment willingly – why is it so difficult to believe that the real truth is that we are loved. Why do we accept the bad but not His love? Is there not more true freedom in love? Hate isolates us from relationships with Christ and people, but love connects us, frees us, heals us and forgives us. Choose to love, to let go, to forgive. Trust in the forgiving nature that is God. He is the mighty restorer, we have to make the choice, and He will restore all!

Isaiah 61:10 I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels

What is undone in my life today? If I were gone tomorrow, what would my level of un-doneness be? How many piles of started but not completed projects do I have piled up around me?

I think that my inspiration of the year is to achieve new levels of competition in all areas of my life. I claim victory over procrastination. I claim perseverance over adversity. I claim the Father’s Joy in my life.

When my mother passed away in 2002, she had left behind piles of projects that were maybe halfway completed. I don’t want that to be my legacy; creative and inspired but unable to see my vision through. For my children, for myself, I want to see the harvest of my labors actualized. Where is the joy in planting the seeds of creativity, when you do not get to enjoy or share the fruits of your harvest?

I want my life to be my message. I want what I do to reflect who I am and what I believe. And I want my actions to match my words. Let there be no difference there. Let me show consistency in my behavior with no reflections of hypocrisy or judgment in my tone. Let His joy shine through to all those that I come in contact with. I pray for freedom from my old ways that I rely on to readily, show me my Father’s desire and will; let that be MY guide through life. Blessed are those who bless Him and all the people of the world.