So, this is not what I meant to origianlly blog… I have pages to add later but I was tripped up by my inbox this morning and wanted to blather about waning joy and broken pieces. I don’t intend to promote other websites, I can’t stand commericials on TV, so why would I want to add them to my blog? However, this is my sidebar, and I totally blame this woman and her spiritual genius for this sidebar, so she might as well get some credit!
Mary DeMuth, she has a monthly newsletter that you can sign up for on her page, if you are so inclined: http://www.marydemuth.com/.
Waning joy and hope, who hasn’t felt that desert of isolation creeping into their lives. Like life isn’t hard enough and then suddenly you realize that your last trip to an oasis was so long ago all you are tasting is sand. I have been focused so much on the reclamation of joy stolen that I have overlooked some of the importance of its loss.
We leave little pieces of ourselves behind all time, in broken relationships, in disappointments and in death. These are some of the major joy stealers, but sometimes we just hand over our hearts with no regard for the condition in which it will be returned. Or if we can even recognize it when we get it back. If we don’t consider the impact of freely given our hearts away to another, how can we expect others to? Then at the end of a relationship how do we reclaim our passion for life and love?
There is a process, like in most things, of reclaiming what is lost. Unfortunately, in matters of the heart it is difficult to get a full accounting and return, we all prescribe a different value to our pain and nothing is equal in suffering. My bad is bad for me, but not necessarily for another. So pieces get lost, and sometimes they don’t come back. Which is a very Ecclesiastes perspective… the futility of life and all that, so what’s the point?! Considering that I am listening to “Everything Glorious”, I will swing this back around, too much darkness for the morning.
There is a value in brokenness, if you can see it. Rather than scrambling around to reclaim your pieces, let them fall. Give them to God, let Him whittle away the unnecessary and refine your heart so that you can see Him more clearly. My childhood was like a shattered mirror, my own self image was lost until I no longer recognized myself and trying to reclaim the piece was likely to result in more woundedness. Moving past the ‘survivor’ mentality and giving that control over to God was so unbelievably difficult for me… those are my reins, that is my pain, I know what I am doing, only I can push through this pain, there is no one that can manage this for me, only me, only me, only You? You?
Resting in that, not having to take action over my own wounds or healing, was freeing. I didn’t have to DO. God did it all for me. There is no strength that I have today that doesn’t flow directly from Him. And He values that, I still get to overcome, I still get to battle… when He calls me out to act, not before. Suddenly I am not twisting in the wind, but am safe and secure, knowing that I am called to be a daughter of the King and there is so much fullness in that.
The pieces that were broken away, were meant to be. I am not being trite, truly there is much that I lost that I don’t think I really need. Would I be able to give over to God the right to rule without knowing the things of the world that I know? If my life were perfectly comfortable, why would I need to yield anything to an unseen God? For me, with my stubbornness of will, there would have been no point in that. This is not a permission slip to mistreat or be mistreated, I have been both. Only you can reconcile with God, I cannot speak for you pain or loss… only you can do that. But it doesn’t matter if your mirror is merely chipped or completely turned to dust, God is the true restorer. Your pain doesn’t need to be more than or less than somebody else’s… it is yours in all it’s questionable glory. God can heal YOU, whatever your pain. Nothing is too great or too little for Him, be released to rest in Him and see what pieces you no longer need.
He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
September 15, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Hey! This was sweet. You could tell there has been a real deepening of your roots. I also agree with you that sometimes things are lost for a reason, and the amazing thing about God, is his redemption for us is way better than our old stuff anyways. I have a feeling He has lots more good redemption in store for you. loves! chris